Dark times

Some days are horrible. Some weeks are horrible. Some months are horrible and yes, even some years are horrible. Everyone has these dark periods from time to time but I think it’s important to acknowledge them and acknowledge that we can always turn on the light and see how bright these dark times can be. You may have to keep flipping the switch and turning the light back on but it is possible to climb out of the darkness. I’ve referenced that I have gone through a “rough period” or that I have “struggled” in the past but I never actually addressed what I meant by that.

I was once in a bad relationship–that is how I am choosing to describe it. Had I known I was in a bad relationship I wouldn’t have been in a bad relationship. People expressed concern and I would attempt to end the relationship but I was made to think I was stupid, incompetent, and that I was never going to accomplish anything in life if I ended it. Clearly, none of this is true. But how would I have known? Eventually I got out and I was physically free. Mental freedom is another issue. I struggle with this daily and probably always will. It’s difficult to admit this even ever happened to me, I struggle with this the most. The residual effects of an experience like this are not easy to handle. I am never going to be 100% okay but most of the time I am. The light is on the majority of the time. Sometimes I can go along with life normal, happy, and carefree and then out of nowhere something triggers a flashback, a memory, or a feeling of insecurity that I’ve long since forgotten about. Recently, I’ve been dealing with a lot of triggers, mostly at work. I guess my light switch is off right now. I guess I’m walking around in the dark because too many things have blinded me lately. I’m working on turning the light back on but I guess it’s a lifelong process of flipping a switch. The past few weeks have been mentally draining for me but I can almost see the light again and that is what matters.