I am an emotional person. When I get upset I get really really upset and when I am happy I am really really happy. I also don’t express my emotions properly. If you hurt me I may never tell you because I don’t like conflict. If I do tell you I will probably cry and I don’t like to cry in front of people or at all so I would rather say nothing. I feel like my feelings and emotions are often an afterthought or an inconvenience or a burden but the thing is I shouldn’t have to feel like that EVER. If confronting situations that have me upset wouldn’t make me cry I would probably confront them but that is the problem with being an emotional person, that is the problem with having feelings. Sometimes feelings will make you cry and sometimes feelings can bring out the worst in you, but other times they can bring out the best in you.
This week at work I feel like I fell victim of bullying. I am 27 years old and through no fault of my own for 27 years I have been dealing with unnecessary comments about my eyes and it is hurtful. Just because I was born cross eyed and my vision is not perfect and I squint a lot does not mean that this needs to be pointed out to me constantly. I remember being a kid and people always asking what was wrong with my eyes or calling me names. Being a child and wearing and eye patch and having to miss school for surgery isn’t fun. Its not ideal and it does lead to people tormenting you. As I got older my skin got thicker and I began to keep my emotions to myself because I thought that letting this get to me would draw more attention to the situation. The older I got the more and more mad I would get when people would make comments. I expected to be bullied for this as a child but not as an adult. I was so wrong. The other day at work a stranger, who was older than I am, referred to me as the girl with the crazy eye. I can’t even explain what that did to me. I couldn’t even deal with this because I didn’t want to cry or be upset or be that person who can’t face problems so I hid and let someone else handle it for me. Thats cowardly but this situation is one that I am really not comfortable in. These kinds of things have made me bottle emotions and run away because I don’t want to give people the satisfaction of seeing me upset because growing up all that I was ever taught was that letting someone see you upset means that they win. Actually, I feel like that was horrible advice because the person loosing is me. I loose by not being upset and not telling people how I really feel. Other people walk away without knowing that they are being hurtful.
SEE WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU BULLY PEOPLE. You take away their voice.
So here I am a big loser because I don’t tell people when they hurt me. They don’t win if they see me upset, they win because I act as though I am not upset and I AM DONE!!
I am really really mad right now. I am really really hurt right now and this goes beyond the issue I had at work this week. People in my life need to get a damn clue because I have feelings too even if I don’t let you see them.
JUST DON’T BE A BULLY.