A rant about running and other things

Incase you don’t know this already, I have had the flu. I have been pretty sick–like quarantined to my bedroom sick. All I did from 5:30 Thursday night until 7:00am today (Tuesday) was watch Friends on Netflix, sleep, complain about being sick, drink tea, take flu medicine, attempt to keep a running streak alive (I’ll get to that), and suffer through 2 online classes and a lot of homework assignments.

On December 23rd I decided to start trying to run again. I vowed to run every single day that I felt healthy for the whole year of 2015, at least 1 mile, because a short run is better than no run and any day that I could run would be a great day. The biggest problem with this is that there were many days that I did not feel healthy enough to run and I ran anyway. I became obsessed and crazy and I thought that if I ran I wasn’t feeling horrible–not true. This goes beyond the flu, this involves migraines, migraine symptoms, extreme fatigue, extreme cold, feeling nauseous for no reason, feeling sore and achy for no reason, and any and all other things that have been going on with my health lately. I ran for 60 consecutive days, at least 1 mile (on the days I felt horrific), and then I got the flu and couldn’t get out of bed. Running everyday is great and its cool and its an awesome goal to run everyday that you feel healthy but it is stupid to run when you feel really really horrible. So I stopped running. I was mad and sulking for a while but not anymore. I had the flu and I was sick. I also had 2 migraines last week, one while I had the flu and I ran and got sicker. I vowed to run everyday that I felt healthy, not everyday even if I felt horrible.

In my believe journal I wrote this as one of my goals:

            “Run as many days as possible in 2015. Don’t take days off unless I have to. A short run is better than no run at all & I’ll only regret skipped runs, not bad or short runs. My body fails me more than I would like with sickness and migraines. I can’t control this but I can control running every day that I feel healthy. Running everyday I am in good health is a great way for me to take control of these bad situations that my body puts me in.”

So I did not say to run everyday.

Now that I have overcome that mental breakdown I am happy to say that I am feeling almost better and able to return to work and get back on track with school. Today I attempted to run and stopped at 1 mile because I can not breath from having the flu and probably should have waited another day. <– This is me making a wise decision. Lead by example right, I wouldn’t suggest an athlete I was coaching or a friend or even a complete stranger to run for 60 days straight while feeling like crap and then attempt a 5 mile run after being super sick for 5+ days so why would I think I should do it? I can’t answer that question.

I am just so frustrated with everything though. I am not throwing a pity party but I really just want to train and enjoy it and compete and not fear waking up with a migraine or oversleeping and nearly missing a race because I am so fatigued for no reason. I saw another doctor today and I need more blood-work but I really have a good feeling about this doctor and I think that maybe he will be able to help me. I also know a lot of foods trigger migraines and the neurologist I saw proved that nuts and peanut butter were then number 1 cause of my migraines. That stinks because I love peanut butter but I love not having migraines even more so I am willing to make that sacrifice. So far eliminating nuts has been a huge help.

I don’t know when I will race, probably once I have a few normal weeks of training and by that I mean I need to feel comfortable with my fitness. I am hoping that happens soon but I don’t want to plan on it and then become more disappointed if it doesn’t happen.

Lately, things in my life haven’t been going exactly the way that I want them too. I am quite certain that 99% of the people in this world would be able to agree with this statement. I have adopted a new theory and I am finding that it is really helping me not be miserable. I am finding the hidden opportunities in every bad situation. For example, if you apply for a job and you don’t get the job be grateful for the rejection because it will push you to go after bigger and better things. You will find what you are meant to do through that rejection. It may take time but you will find your opportunity. Something similar recently happened to me. I was trying to do something and it didn’t work out. I was really upset for about 15 minutes and then I  thought about it and I realized that what I was trying to do wasn’t what I needed to do or wanted to do and it certainly wouldn’t help me obtain my longterm goals. It was a quick fix and I would have been trapped doing something I didn’t have a passion for if it had worked out–thank God it didn’t work out. In the past year I have taken more risks and chances and done more things to push myself to do things that I really want to do and have a passion for, like going back to school.

At the present moment I have not running goals, I am independent with my running, I am coaching myself, and I don’t have to answer to anyone with my training. Some people may think that this is a bad thing but I am embracing it because I believe that this leaves the window of opportunities wide open for me and allows the possibilities for me as an athlete to be endless. Every athlete has struggles and although I am frustrated beyond belief right now I am excited to see what is on the other side of these struggles. There is an opportunity here and I am looking for it. I will find it.