Belief & Gratitude: Summer 2015 and the reality of my summer training

The summer ended as quickly as it began. I didn’t think about blogging as much as I had early on in 2015. There isn’t an exact reason for this its just that I became very overwhelmed this summer for no particular reason. I just felt very stressed with trying to build a solid base of mileage, which in my opinion, I failed at while working full time and taking grad classes all summer long. Last year I had a great summer of running but I also had nothing else to focus on. In fact, I was too consumed with running and I was not successful in any facet of my life. This summer I feel like I have adopted a much more positive and realistic approach with my goals and my training, but I have always struggled with counting miles and obsessing over the number of miles I did or did not run. I have done everything in my power this summer to prevent myself from fixating on the miles. I have focused on the quality of the runs more and the length of the runs less. That worked for a while but then I began to start feeling terrible because I wasn’t running and I am still not running anywhere near the amount of miles I would like to run. This really impacts how I feel about myself and it makes me question why I even bother if I can’t meet my own expectations. I set such high standards with my training and how many miles I think I should be running a week and when I continue to fail at achieving these goals day after day and week after week I feel defeated even if I am running and training realistically in accordance with my lifestyle. Its just been a struggle all summer long. I am not happy with my summer training at all and I have been hiding that from everyone around me. We, as runners, are all different. Our bodies are different and can handle different training styles. What is right for me may not be right for someone else but the truth is I know what is right for me right now. Even if I have seen some success this summer in the races I have run I know deep down that its not good enough because I have not been able to commit fully to my training or put everything I have into it. This whole year has been difficult for me in regards to running and if I look at where I was in January I can not complain. I am grateful that I have gotten this far despite the obstacles I have faced with running this year. I am just ready to take on more miles and I plan to do that immediately because running, for me, is a personal journey and right now I feel like I am stuck at the bottom of a huge hill just running around in circles. If I don’t challenge myself now I will find myself being complacent just running around the hill. I will never run up it.

Aside from being grateful (even though I am frustrated) that I have gotten back on track with running in a smart way I have been grateful for a lot of other things this summer.

I have done several morning runs

My literature review for my thesis is almost done

I survived #Poweroutage2015

I spent a week in one of my favorite places, Frisco Colorado