In the last year every carefully calculated decision I’ve made has come with its own unique set of sacrifices and unpredictable obstacles. In the last year I’ve moved across the country, found a new job in a field I know nothing about, started a business, started a running club, finished all of my required graduate courses, completed one internship, began my 4th and final internship, and submitted more drafts of my thesis than I can count. I’ve run some decent races, I’ve been injured 2x, and running has fallen to the bottom of my priority list. My coaching and running goals have been compromised by the goal of earning my masters degree. Coaching and running are important to me but I can’t do everything well all at once despite my best efforts. I’ve had to accept that until I eventually graduate I cannot thrive in those areas, and that has been heartbreaking. Recently, I’ve been dealing with achillies tendonitis because I was running really long runs on the treadmill after working all day and interning at night. Logically I understand that I can’t train to compete at the level that I want to right now, but my heart was telling me to go for it when my brain was telling me it wasn’t a good idea. My heart won out and I got hurt. Thankfully, I understand the value of rest and recovery and I’m no longer in pain.
As I am starting to run again after a month and a half of being injured and 3 solid weeks off from running, I am finding myself in a state of contempt and it has nothing to do with the injury. Honestly, my body couldn’t have picked a better time to breakdown. I don’t have time to train and I have been feeling burnt out with everything in my life. Taking running out of the daily equation has freed up my time to focus on graduating and it has reduced the stress I was experiencing when I couldn’t find the time to run. Of course I’m frustrated and annoyed that I was injured, but mostly because I was in a constant state of pain. This pain was nagging just like the emotional pain I’ve been feeling ever since I had to give up coaching a team to move to the mountains. This pain was sharp like the emotional pain I feel every single time I have to choose trying to graduate over literally everything else. All of this pain became suffocating, it kept me up at night, and it led me to feeling contempt for the situation that I am currently in. As I wrote a few weeks ago, living out a dream is never a dream. The last year has been a blur of sacrifices and obstacles. I’m not doing anything well, I’m just surviving the demands of daily life while counting down until the day that I can breath and thrive. I don’t even know when that exact day is, but one day [soon] it will arrive.
Nothing comes without sacrifices and sacrifices always set you up for success.
2 thoughts on “Surviving Not Thriving”
*hugs* I am surviving right now too. I have tendonitis as well, for the second time this year… first was peroneal, now it’s high hamstring. It sucks. I was just getting into the groove and feeling good about my running again when it happened. 2017 has been full of ups and downs for me but mostly downs. I really hope 2018 is a better year for all of us, I know you’ve had it rough with the injuries but also with school and moving so far away. It is OKAY to put running and coaching on the backburner for school and real life because in the end those are the things that matter. None of us are getting paid to run (if we do even win money it’s still not a lifestyle/job)… even though coaching does pay, it is something you do out of love for the runners and the sport and not for the cash. I hope you have a good holiday season and that your achilles will heal so that you can at least ENJOY running again.
I know how busy you are my friend and it will get better. You work so hard at everything you do and I’m looking forward to seeing you in a few weeks. Hopefully just the change of environment and vacation will be able to break you out of your funk.